Rape, Rape Go Away
By Mister D

Don’t Ever Come Another Day

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Jackson, Fawcett, McMahon: Coping With The Loss Of American Icons
By Alicia Sparks
June 26, 2009

Michael Jackson Memorium 6/25/09

Between 9 and 10:00 p.m EST last night, after jumping off Twitter (yes – Twitter’s “Trending Topics” is how I learned of Jackson’s death) and calling my best friend’s voicemail to sing a few verses of “Rock With You” and encourage her to get out of the fetal position and call me for support, I watched as Michael Jackson’s sheet-covered body was transported – live – out of the UCLA Medical Center, into a helicopter, and then out again and on to the Los Angeles County Coroner’s Office.

It was surreal, and I am stunned.

Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson – Americans have certainly lost a hefty handful of icons this week.

When someone so famous succumbs to mortality, it tends to hit the nation – and the world – as a whole.

For some people, these icons acted as comfortable constants (John Mayor tweeted about Michael Jackson that “a major strand of our cultural DNA has left us” and “we’ll mourn his loss as well as the loss of ourselves as children listening to Thriller on the record player”). For others, they’ve played a significant role (DMB bassist Stefan Lessard remembered how his very first record was one from The Jackson 5, Wyclef Jean changed his Twitter picture to one of Jackson and tweeted about a time the King of Pop visited him in the studio, and Janet McNair wrote about Jackson’s music being the soundtrack of her childhood).

TremendousNews, via Tweeple Magazine, referred to Michael Jackson’s death as “the 9/11 of pop culture,” and that’s probably a pretty accurate description for a number of high profile celebrity deaths – especially those that were so sudden and unexpected.

We flock to our televisions. We watch as cameras zoom in on mourning fans standing outside of hospitals and holding up signs. We listen as the same news reporters who hiked up their ratings with scandals just a few years before now speak of the deceased as if by dying he was somehow transformed into a saint.

We hop on Twitter or Facebook or actually pick up a phone to connect with our friends:

“Did you hear?” “Can you believe it?” “R.I.P” “I never liked him.” “I had her poster on my bedroom wall as a kid.” “I was his biggest fan.”

“I am stunned.”

We talk about the icon’s life – the many things the icon contributed to the world and the inspiration the icon was, as well as the various scandals that surrounded the icon and the public and private battles the icon fought.

Sometimes thinking about a long and full life comforts us; other times, a tragic end to a life most often surrounded by tragic circumstances conflicts us.

And, then, we start thinking about our own lives – our own successes, failures, joys, and complete and utter screw ups. We begin reflecting on our own mortality and – for much too brief a time, unfortunately – some of us vow to cherish each day more, hug our family members more, call up an old friend we haven’t spoken to in a few years.

Death is sad. It’s sad, we’re probably really never prepared for it – no matter the circumstances – and it sucks. But, it happens to each and every one of us. We’re all going to lose loved ones and we’re all going to eventually die ourselves. It’s unavoidable.

Celebrity or not, no life or death is more “important” or “monumental” than another; whether you spend it redefining music as the world knows it or bagging groceries at Winn Dixie, human life is human life.

Appreciate it as such.

If any of this week’s famous deaths brought about those emotions and questions about your own life – and the lives of your loved ones – hold on to those. Have your moment of grief for whomever passed, but then turn the focus on yourself.

If there’s something you want to change about your life, change it now. If there’s a relationship you want to mend, mend it now. If there’s something you’ve done of which you should be proud, but for some reason never allow yourself that feeling, give yourself that credit now.

The good news is, as long as you’re breathing, you still have time; however, you have no idea if it’s years, days, or seconds.

Start now.

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The Seeker
by Manya Brachear
Should gay flocks have their own churches?

Three area churches who cater to gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Christians are marching in today’s Gay Pride parade. Should gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender flocks have their own sanctuaries? Or does the concept of a LGBT congregation encourage an isolation within faith communities that defies the very purpose of assembling for worship?

Leaders of gay congregations in Chicago say those that start today have a completely different mission than those started decades ago. While their primary goal is to provide an entry point for people struggling with their sexuality and spirituality, they also strive to be models of inclusion.

“There is a need for places where LGBT faithful have a safe place in order for them to find their way back into God’s story,” said Rev. Kevin Downer, pastor of one of three Chicago area congregations in the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches. “Somebody who comes to our congregations just because of who we are understands that no matter what happens they’re not going to be rejected because of who they love.”

But just who LGBT congregations are has evolved. Founded in Los Angeles in 1968, one year prior to the Stonewall Riots, the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches opened its first church outside California in Chicago in the 1970s, a few years before the HIV/AIDS crisis took off. Through its height in the 1980s and 1990s, the early church was largely in the burial business. Its membership in Chicago dropped from more than 300 to less than 100.

That church closed in 2007. A re-imagined MCC opened near Boystown shortly afterward with a new mission of serving as a model of inclusion for all congregations.

Downer points to the story of Exodus. Leaving Egypt, he said, was not only a way for the Israelites to escape oppression. It was a way for them to become the people they were intended to be, he said.

“We believe LGBT people actually have an incredible gift to give back to all faiths, all spiritualities, all people no matter what their orientation is,” Downer said.

Rabbi Laurence Edwards of Congregation Or Chadash, a Jewish LGBT congregation in Edgewater neighborhood, often looks to the same verses, which permeate the Torah.

“’Remember you are strangers in the land of Egypt. Don’t oppress the stranger. You must love the stranger as yourself.’ That’s very close in the historical experience of many members of my congregation. It’s not just Jewish history … We in a very particular way and close way have experienced exclusion and discrimination from families and friends and co-workers. So it has a resonance. When we come to those verses in the Torah, it feels differently at Or Chadash.”

Edwards said the factors that motivated the founders of Or Chadash are not necessarily the same factors that motivate members to join the congregation today. Now, it serves different purposes for different people, he said.

“It’s been a place of transition—for some gay people to Judaism and for some Jews a place for them to come out of the closet. For many of us, it’s become where we really feel at home,” he said.

Downer said some American MCC churches still operate under the old model, which is also useful in other parts of the world.

International MCC churches in countries such as Jamaica, Russia and Nigeria serve as safe havens much like the early MCC church, Downer said.

“Their ministry is similar to early days of the MCC because plants are in places where you can go to jail or be killed for who you love,” Downer said.

See members from all three area MCC churches march in the Pride Parade Sunday.

What do you think? Should gays and lesbians have distinct congregations? Does that discourage mainstream houses of worship from welcoming them into their midst?

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Winners for this year’s MuchMusic Video Awards have been announced at a gala ceremony taking place on June 21, and Nickelback walked home with the most kudos. This Canadian rock band received three awards.

Nickelback got Post Production of the Year and MuchLOUD Rock Video of the Year for their “Gotta Be Somebody” video. Moreover, they bagged the top prize, Video of the Year, winning over Danny Fernandes, k-os, Marianas Trench and The Stills.

Following Nickelback’s domination on the winners list is The Midway State. The four-piece band were handed two trophies, VideoFACT Indie Video of the Year and UR Fave: New Artist at the annual event.

Other winners at the awards were Lady GaGa, Black Eyed Peas and Jonas Brothers. GaGa was given International Video of the Year – Artist, thanks to her “Poker Face” video. “You guys make it so hard to love anywhere else,” she said during her acceptance speech. “To God and the gays!” As for Black Eyed Peas and the Jonas boys, they won International Video of the Year – Group and UR Fave: International Video respectively.

2009 MuchMusic Video Awards was held outside MuchMusic’s Toronto headquarters with Nick Jonas, Joe Jonas and Kevin Jonas co-hosting. Its musical guests included Kelly Clarkson, Billy Talent, Rise Against and Classified in addition to Jonas Brothers, Lady GaGa, Black Eyed Peas and Nickelback.

Complete winners of 2009 MuchMusic Video Awards:

* Video of the Year: Nickelback – “Gotta Be Somebody”
* Post Production of the Year: Nickelback – “Gotta Be Somebody”
* Cinematographer of the Year: Bedouin Soundclash – “Until We Burn Into the Sun (The Kids Just Want a Love Song)”
* Director of the Year: Marianas Trench – “Cross My Heart” (directed by Colin Minihan)
* Pop Video of the Year: Danny Fernandes – “Private Dancer”
* MuchLOUD Rock Video of the Year: Nickelback – “Gotta Be Somebody”
* MuchVibe HipHop Video of the Year: Classified – “Anybody Listening”
* VideoFACT Indie Video of the Year: The Midway State – “Never Again”
* International Video of the Year – Artist: Lady GaGa “Poker Face”
* International Video of the Year – Group: Black Eyed Peas – “Boom Boom Pow”
* International Video of the Year by a Canadian – Artist or Group: Billy Talent – “Rusted From the Rain”
* UR Fave: International Video: Jonas Brothers – “Burnin’ Up”
* UR Fave: New Artist: The Midway State – “Never Again”
* UR Fave: Canadian Video: Simple Plan – “Save You”
* MuchMusic.com Most Watched Video: Girlicious – “Like Me”

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Michael Jackson‘s celebrity suicide
Born to stardom, he never knew what it was like to live or even behave normally
By Bill Wyman
Jun. 27, 2009 |

CNN’s coverage of Michael Jackson’s sudden illness in the minutes before his death was reported captured nicely the way the media has treated him. Nutty people were allowed to talk at length, including a guy who kept saying his concerts in London were in 2010. (They were scheduled for next month.)

Wolf Blitzer looked into the camera to tell us earnestly that the head of the concert promotion company had told them that Jackson was in “tip-top shape,” and that he’d passed a health exam “with flying colors.”

Funny how an impossibly pampered 50-year-old guy in top-top shape could just keel over dead.

We’re supposed to live in an Age of Paparazzi. Isn’t it curious how stars nonetheless manage to die right before our eyes?

They do it with our complicity.

Born not just to celebrity but to stardom, Michael Jackson never knew what it was like to live normally, or even behave normally. He was drafted into the family’s musical act, the Jackson 5, while in elementary school, and taken to Motown records. He was taught how to live a manufactured image at the feet of Berry Gordy, who was quite good at such legerdemain.

If you’re 9 years old and born to be a star, such training will definitely turbocharge the marketing of your record sales; as for the fact that almost all the money from those sales went to your teacher and not you … well, that was his second lesson.

Trust, truth … these were concepts Michael Jackson learned early on didn’t have much worth. But of course he had his family, right?

His angry father beat him and his eight siblings with some determination, reputable biographers have told us. (Untrustworthy La Toya said that she and Michael were sexually molested, too.) On tour at age 10, Michael tried to sleep as his older brothers banged groupies in the motel rooms they shared. Then all the kids watched in wonder as their father took up with another woman and had a child with her.

Love, marriage, sex … Michael Jackson learned early that those didn’t mean much either. The Jackson 5 had a three-year run, not bad for a kid act. When the family, which realized it hadn’t made any money, left the label, a vengeful Gordy exacted as a price not just a brother — Jermaine, who, married to Gordy’s daughter, stayed at Motown — but even their name. When they moved to Columbia, they couldn’t use the name the Jackson 5.

Michael was all of 14.

In five years he collected himself, extracted himself from his father’s control and recorded two albums that would change the music industry. The best was the first: 1979′s “Off the Wall,” a groovy, irresistible stunner. Blithe and implacable, sparkling and protean, it displayed a lean talent, feline in his sexuality and relaxed in his blackness. The round-faced, broad-nosed charmer looking out from the album’s cover reeked not just of charm but confidence and, for the last time, normality.

Three years later, “Thriller” would take what became an epochal step forward in terms of commerciality. Viewed now, with the benefit of hindsight, we can see Jackson’s evolving physiognomy is symptomatic of an insecurity we didn’t think to question at the time.

His celebrity’s toll on his own and his family’s life became considerable. For some unaccountable reason, after “Thriller” he still lived at home, as his family busied itself with intrigues and cockamamie plans. One imagines him sitting in his room ignoring the knocks at his door as offers of millions came in to the family from across the country and around the world to do just about anything — anything, that is, that Michael would do too.

With the exception of Janet, his youngest sister, who somehow managed to extract herself and create her own extraordinary career, virtually every member of his family managed to blemish their reputations; among other things, more than one of the boys, their father’s sons, were charged with beating up their girlfriends or wives.

The story from that point is a bleak and unrelieved one. Superficial things: Michael’s ludicrous trappings and entourages; the fetishization of the armed militias marching around in his videos; tales of his supposed bizarre doings leaked to tabloids; the grasping grandiosity of his public appearances. Jackson had a flair for exploiting the tabloid celebrity he had, but that was a skill he shared with Anna Nicole Smith and Paris Hilton, and it probably shouldn’t be listed among his unique abilities.

More serious things: mismanaged tours; declining songwriting skills; ever-more erratic album releases.

Even more serious things: an entirely transfigured physical appearance, morphing from an engaging and handsome African-American man into a misshapen Eurasian woman; his skin bleached, his face resculpted; his nose, finally, needing to be practically taped onto his face. He left his race behind and, in a sense, his family too. (The nose, which seemed to have borne the brunt of his obsession with plastic surgery, was his father’s.)

The master of crossover had seemingly crossed over for good.

And finally, a black moral hole, and a descent into a double life as a sexual predator. You’ve heard about not taking candy from a stranger; Jackson’s candy took the form of literal amusement parks. There were nights of fun and sleepovers and inappropriate touching and …

Accusations were leveled many times; most cases were settled; one case, gone to trial, ended in an acquittal in Santa Maria in 2005.

In the obituaries, writers will savor Jackson’s talents, which were unquestioned; his ambition, which was otherworldly and a thing of awe; and his heyday, which lasted really just a few years, and encompassed perhaps two and a half albums. Others will reflect on the tragedies visited upon him and those he visited on others.

I think it’s fair to classify Kurt Cobain‘s death as one brought on by medical problems, specifically the roiling interaction of depression and addiction. Jackson’s death is in this sense more purely a suicide, just as Elvis Presley‘s was some three decades ago. Like Presley, Jackson at some point stepped through a door, closed it, and turned the key. What went on behind the door we’ll never know.

– By Bill Wyman

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Best Music of 2009 (So Far): Kate Kiefer, Associate Editor
By Kate Kiefer
on June 25, 2009 7:00 AM

To celebrate the half-way point of 2009, this week Paste staffers are counting down their favorite albums and songs of the year (so far). Check out all of our lists here, and share your own favorites in the comments.

You might notice that Passion Pit’s Manners isn’t on my list, and that’s because I don’t like Passion Pit very much. (Apparently I’m in the minority.) I didn’t include Wild Light’s “California On My Mind” either, but that’s only because Josh plays it so many times a day that I feel like it’s his own personal song.

As for the music I did include…if 2009 were to bring us only Elvis Perkins In Dearland, I would still be a happy woman. Elsewhere: The Low Anthem was my favorite discovery this year, Keith Urban is more awesome than you think, and if I had a #11, it would be Loney Dear’s Dear John.

Choosing just 10 songs stressed me out, so I decided to eliminate any song from an album on my first list—so some are from compilations, and others are from records that didn’t make my top 10. Thank goodness Sam Beam finally put “The Trapeze Swinger” on an album. I didn’t think Conor Oberst’s “Lua” could get any prettier until I heard Gillian Welch sing it, and I wasn’t a Kellie Pickler fan until I found myself in the car switching from one country station to another, hoping they’d play “Best Days Of Your Life.” Lastly, I’ll say that Bon Iver’s “Blood Bank” is so ridiculously beautiful, I’m crying a little right now just thinking about it.

Albums

1. Elvis Perkins In Dearland – Elvis Perkins In Dearland

2. The Low Anthem – Oh My God, Charlie Darwin

3. Joshua James – Build Me This

4. Manchester Orchestra – Mean Everything To Nothing

5. The Decemberists – The Hazards Of Love

6. Magnolia Electric Co. – Josephine

7. Animal Collective – Merriweather Post Pavilion

8. Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy – Beware

9. Keith Urban – Defying Gravity

10. Mirah – (a)spera

Songs

1. “Blood Bank” – Bon Iver

2. “The Trapeze Swinger” – Iron and Wine

3. “Lua” – Conor Oberst + Gillian Welch (from Dark Was The Night)

4. “Violent” – Loney Dear

5. “You Belong With Me” – Taylor Swift

6. “Best Days Of Your Life” – Kellie Pickler

7. “Why Modern Radio Is A-Ok” – Roman Candle

8. “Two Weeks” – Grizzly Bear

9. “When My Time Comes” – Dawes

10. “Train Song” – Feist + Ben Gibbard (from Dark Was The Night)

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It’s not often that I let my weaknesses show, but this man is mine

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Permits Approved, LGBT March on Washington is on in October

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Subject: Pride In The Name of Love.

Dear Friends,

We are facing some serious battles ahead. The worst is not over. We’ve had some incredible strides in the past few months, but our equality, our true equality is a long way away.

I’m writing today to urge you to put away the hot pants this Pride season. I’m writing to ask you to remember why we celebrate this month. The “Pride Parades” that happen all over this Nation and around the world were never intended to be parades. This all started as a march, a rally, a protest. It’s about time we remember and pick up the torch that has been handed to us by the previous generations of LGBT individuals.

We have been promised things by Presidents today and yesterday and those promises were broken, our rights stolen away by backroom deals in the name of political expediency. It’s happening constantly and if you think sitting around and waiting for the ten people sitting in an HRC phone bank making calls on your behalf can do it alone, you are mistaken.

This is a fight which requires ALL our voices, ALL our fists in the air, ALL our hearts, minds and bodies standing up for what is rightfully ours.

Quote Thomas Jefferson, Martin Luther King, Jr., John F. Kennedy or Barack Obama all you want. At the end of the day, no matter who said what, WE ARE EQUAL AND MUST BE TREATED AS SUCH.

I beg of you. Not for yourself, but for the generations of young LGBT individuals NEEDING to live in a free world where they will not want for equality, where they will know that a family is a family is a family, where their children will not grow up in fear, STAND UP. Put yourself aside for a moment and understand the importance of this for the future of our society as a whole.

The responsibility lies with US. This year, go to your local Pride March, and March. Hold a sign. Scream for Equality. Remember what we are celebrating and realize that this fight is far from over.

For those of you in the New York area, I am working with Broadway Impact to organize a crew of marchers for the NY Pride March. Please drop an email if you can come to talkaboutequality@gmail.com. Invite all your friends and we can make a difference.

In the meantime, call your Senators, your Representatives, locally and Nationally. Call the White House and demand that Obama keep his word and fight for the full repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). The Department of Justice is currently coming to the defense of DOMA with Obama’s blessing – going directly against Obama’s campaign promises. Stand up and tell him this is unacceptable. We want the “Fierce Advocate” he promised to be when we voted him into office.

Write or call today!

President Barack Obama
1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW
Washington, DC 20500
(202) 456-1111

In Solidarity,

Jamie
www.talkaboutequality.org

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• White House Bravely Regurgitates Definition of DOMA (queerty.com)

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Tony Awards 2009 winners: Complete list

Monday, June 8th 2009, 8:06 AM

Winners of the 2009 American Theatre Wing’s Tony Awards, announced Sunday.

PLAY: “God of Carnage.”

MUSICAL: “Billy Elliot, The Musical.”

REVIVAL OF A MUSICAL: “Hair.”

BOOK OF A MUSICAL: Lee Hall, “Billy Elliot, The Musical.”

ORIGINAL SCORE (MUSIC AND/OR LYRICS) WRITTEN FOR THE THEATRE: “Next to Normal.”

REVIVAL OF A PLAY: “The Norman Conquests.”

SPECIAL THEATRICAL EVENT: “Liza’s at The Palace.”

PERFORMANCE BY A LEADING ACTOR IN A PLAY: Geoffrey Rush, “Exit the King.”

PERFORMANCE BY A LEADING ACTRESS IN A PLAY: Marcia Gay Harden, “God of Carnage.”

PERFORMANCE BY A LEADING ACTOR IN A MUSICAL: David Alvarez, Trent Kowalik, and Kiril Kulish, “Billy Elliot, The Musical.”

PERFORMANCE BY A LEADING ACTRESS IN A MUSICAL: Alice Ripley, “Next to Normal.”

PERFORMANCE BY A FEATURED ACTOR IN A PLAY: Roger Robinson, “Joe Turner’s Come and Gone.”

PERFORMANCE BY A FEATURED ACTRESS IN A PLAY: Angela Lansbury, “Blithe Spirit.”

PERFORMANCE BY A FEATURED ACTOR IN A MUSICAL: Gregory Jbara, “Billy Elliot, The Musical.”

PERFORMANCE BY A FEATURED ACTRESS IN A MUSICAL: Karen Olivo, “West Side Story.”

SCENIC DESIGN OF A PLAY: Derek McLane, “33 Variations.”

SCENIC DESIGN OF A MUSICAL: Ian MacNeil, “Billy Elliot, The Musical.”

COSTUME DESIGN OF A PLAY: Anthony Ward, “Mary Stuart.”

COSTUME DESIGN OF A MUSICAL: Tim Hatley, “Shrek The Musical.”

LIGHTING DESIGN OF A PLAY: Brian MacDevitt, “Joe Turner’s Come and Gone.”

LIGHTING DESIGN OF A MUSICAL: Rick Fisher, “Billy Elliot, The Musical.”

SOUND DESIGN OF A PLAY: Gregory Clarke, “Equus.”

SOUND DESIGN OF A MUSICAL: Paul Arditti, “Billy Elliot, The Musical.”

DIRECTION OF A PLAY: Matthew Warchus, “God of Carnage.”

DIRECTION OF A MUSICAL: Stephen Daldry, “Billy Elliot, The Musical.”

CHOREOGRAPHY: Peter Darling, “Billy Elliot, The Musical.”

ORCHESTRATIONS: Martin Koch, “Billy Elliot, The Musical”; Michael Starobin and Tom Kitt, “Next to Normal.”

SPECIAL TONY AWARD FOR LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT IN THE THEATRE: Jerry Herman.

REGIONAL THEATRE TONY AWARD: Signature Theatre, Arlington, Va.

ISABELLE STEVENSON AWARD: Phyllis Newman.

TONY HONOR FOR EXCELLENCE IN THE THEATRE: Shirley Herz.

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ABC
Five Things You Didn’t Know About Kathy Griffin
Comedian Kathy Griffin Dishes as ‘My Life on the D-List‘ Returns to TV
By SHEILA MARIKAR

June 8, 2009 —

She may claim to spend her life on the bottom rungs of Hollywood society, but Kathy Griffin’s secrets are decidedly A-list.

For that matter, so are the people who appear on the latest season of her reality TV show, “Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List,” whose fifth season begins tonight at 10 p.m. ET on Bravo. Bette Midler, Lily Tomlin, Suzanne Somers, Rosie O’Donnell, Christina Aguilera, T.I. and Paris Hilton are some of the marquee names who “mentor” the comedian on her fake quest to up her celebrity quotient.

The Emmy-award winning comedian recently revealed to ABCNews.com five things no one knows about her. Are they all 100-percent true? Well, no — but that doesn’t make her confessions any less juicy. Clearly, after four seasons on “The D-List,” Griffin’s learned that the key to gaining more street cred in Hollywood is stirring up a scandal or two.

1. ‘I Slept With Jon Gosselin From ‘Jon & Kate Plus 8‘

“Last night, I slept with Jon Gosselin from ‘Jon & Kate Plus 8.’ I think you should know that this is in no way a shameless attempt to get people to watch “The D-List” on Monday nights instead of ‘Jon & Kate Plus 8.’ Jon and I discussed it last night after we hooked up at the Boar’s Head Inn in Reading, Penn. We were just spooning and laughing about how ironic it is that our shows are on the same night. It was really good for him. It wasn’t that good for me. He kind of phoned it in, frankly.

2. ‘I Have a Better Body Than Paris Hilton’

“I have a much better bikini body than Paris Hilton and she is a wreck about it. You can imagine that this must be traumatizing for her, to be photographed with me this season on ‘The D-List’ and find out that I have a more rocking body than her. She’s had to drown her sorrows in Doug Reinhardt from ‘The Hills,’ who’s probably going to leave her for me. I’m juggling several men right now. Several cast members from “The Hills, one of the Jonas brothers who will go unnamed, and of course, Jon from ‘Jon & Kate Plus 8.’”

3. Kathy Griffin’s Secrets: ‘I Partied With Sidney Poitier, Vernon Jordan, and Suzanne Sommers’

“I have a picture of myself standing between [Monica Lewinsky lawyer] Vernon Jordan and [Oscar-winning actor] Sidney Poitier. It was taken at Suzanne Sommers’ Malibu compound. You would never think I would be in a photograph with Vernon and Sidney at Suzanne Sommers’ house. She is the most A-list of the A-list. No one’s seen this picture before, it’s a world exclusive. My secret dream is for Oprah to see the picture. It would be a like a punch in Oprah’s gut. It would hit her pretty hard.”

4. ‘Financial Planning With Suze Orman Is My Porn’

“Today alone, I got three e-mails from Suze Orman. We’re friends. When I’m going to see her, she says bring your financials, and I’ll go there and do financial planning with Suze. That is my porn. It’s fabulous.”

5. ‘I’m on a Scientology Watch List’

“I have been told that I am on a Scientology watch list as one of the foremost people that makes fun of Scientology. This, of course, makes me almost as happy as bringing Suze Orman my financials. I’m perfectly comfortable being on any watch list. It means at least someone’s watching me. You’ll never be able to confirm that in a million years. It’s just something I’ve been told.”

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Best Play
Dividing the Estate
God of Carnage
Reasons to be Pretty
33 Variations

Best Musical
Billy Elliot, The Musical
Next to Normal
Rock of Ages
Shrek The Musical

Best Book of a Musical
Billiy Elliot, The Musical
Next to Normal
Shrek The Musical

Best Original Score
Billy Elliot, The Musical
Next to Normal
9 to 5: The Musical
Shrek The Musical

Best Revival of a Play
Joe Turner’s Come and Gone
Mary Stuart
The Norman Conquests
Waiting for Godot

Best Revival of a Musical
Guys and Dolls
Hair
Pal Joey
West Side Story

Best Performance by a Leading Actor in a Play
Jeff Daniels, God of Carnage
Raúl Esparza, Speed-the-Plow
James Gandolfini, God of Carnage
Geoffrey Rush, Exit the King
Thomas Sadoski, Reasons to Be Pretty

Best Performance by a Leading Actress in a Play
Hope Davis, God of Carnage
Jane Fonda, 33 Variations
Marcia Gay Harden, God of Carnage ?
Janet McTeer, Mary Stuart ?
Harriet Walter, Mary Stuart

Best Performance by a Leading Actor in a Musical
David Alvarez, Trent Kowalik, and Kiril Kulish – Billy Elliot, The Musical
Gavin Creel, Hair
Brian d’Arcy James, Shrek The Musical
Constantine Maroulis, Rock of Ages
J. Robert Spencer, Next to Normal

Best Performance by a Leading Actress in a Musical
Stockard Channing, Pal Joey
Sutton Foster, Shrek The Musical
Allison Janney, 9 to 5: The Musical
Alice Ripley, Next to Normal
Josefina Scaglione, West Side Story

Best Performance by a Featured Actor in a Play
John Glover, Waiting for Godot
Zach Grenier, 33 Variations
Stephen Mangan, The Norman Conquests
Paul Ritter, The Norman Conquests
Roger Robinson, Joe Turner’s Come and Gone

Best Performance by a Featured Actress in a Play
Hallie Foote, Dividing the Estate
Jessica Hynes, The Norman Conquests
Marin Ireland, Reasons to Be Pretty
Angela Lansbury, Blithe Spirit
Amanda Root, The Norman Conquests

Best Performance by a Featured Actor in a Musical
David Bologna, Billy Elliot, The Musical
Gregory Jbara, Billy Elliot, The Musical
Marc Kudisch, 9 to 5: The Musical
Christopher Sieber, Shrek The Musical
Will Swenson, Hair

Best Performance by a Featured Actress in a Musical
Jennifer Damiano, Next to Normal
Haydn Gwynne, Billy Elliot, The Musical
Karen Olivo, West Side Story
Martha Plimpton, Pal Joey
Carole Shelley, Billy Elliot, The Musical

Best Direction of a Play
Phyllida Lloyd, Mary Stuart
Bartlett Sher, Joe Turner’s Come and Gone
Matthew Warchus, God of Carnage
Matthew Warchus, The Norman Conquests

Best Direction of a Musical
Stephen Daldry, Billy Elliot, The Musical
Michael Greif, Next to Normal
Kristin Hanggi, Rock of Ages
Diane Paulus, Hair

Best Scenic Design of a Play
Dale Ferguson, Exit the King
Rob Howell, The Norman Conquests
Derek McLane, 33 Variations
Michael Yeargan, Joe Turner’s Come and Gone

Best Scenic Design of a Musical
Robert Brill, Guys and Dolls
Ian MacNeil, Billy Elliot, The Musical
Scott Pask, Pal Joey
Mark Wendland, Next to Normal

Best Costume Design of a Play
Dale Ferguson, Exit the King
Jane Greenwood, Waiting for Godot
Martin Pakledinaz, Blithe Spirit
Anthony Ward, Mary Stuart

Best Costume Design of a Musical
Gregory Gale, Rock of Ages
Nicky Gillibrand, Billy Elliot, The Musical
Tim Hatley, Shrek The Musical
Michael McDonald, Hair

Best Lighting Design of a Play
David Hersey, Equus
David Lander, 33 Variations
Brian MacDevitt, Joe Turner’s Come and Gone
Hugh Vanstone, Mary Stuart

Best Lighting Design of a Musical
Kevin Adams, Hair
Kevin Adams, Next to Normal
Howell Binkley, West Side Story
Rick Fisher, Billy Elliot, The Musical

Best Sound Design of a Play
Paul Arditti, Mary Stuart
Gregory Clarke, Equus
Russell Goldsmith, Exit the King
Scott Lehrer and Leon Rothenberg, Joe Turner’s Come and Gone

Best Sound Design of a Musical
Acme Sound Partners, Hair
Paul Arditti, Billy Elliot, The Musical
Peter Hylenski, Rock of Ages
Brian Ronan, Next to Normal

Best Choreography
Karole Armitage, Hair
Andy Blankenbuehler, 9 to 5: The Musical
Peter Darling, Billy Elliot, The Musical
Randy Skinner, Irving Berlin‘s White Christmas

Best Orchestrations
Larry Blank, Irving Berlin’s White Christmas
Martin Koch, Billy Elliot, The Musical
Michael Starobin and Tom Kitt, Next to Normal
Danny Troob and John Clancy, Shrek The Musical

Best Special Theatrical Event
Liza’s at The Palace
Slava’s Snowshow
Soul of Shaolin
You’re Welcome America. A Final Night with George W. Bush

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Audie Awards 2009: Audiobook of the Year

The Graveyard Book
Unabridged
By Neil Gaiman
Narrated by Neil Gaiman

Publisher’s Summary

Nobody Owens, known to his friends as Bod, is a normal boy. He would be completely normal if he didn’t live in a sprawling graveyard, being raised and educated by ghosts, with a solitary guardian who belongs to neither the world of the living nor of the dead.

There are dangers and adventures in the graveyard for a boy. But if Bod leaves the graveyard, then he will come under attack from the man Jack – who has already killed Bod’s family.

Beloved master storyteller Neil Gaiman returns with a luminous new novel for the audience that embraced his New York Times best-selling modern classic Coraline. Magical, terrifying, and filled with breathtaking adventures, The Graveyard Book is sure to enthrall readers of all ages.

Music arrangement of “Danse Macabre” copyright 2008 by Béla Fleck and Ben Sollee, Fleck Music (BMI), admin. by Bug Music.

©2008 Neil Gaiman; (P)2008 HarperCollins Publishers

Audie Awards 2009: Distinguished Achievement in Production

Curse of the Blue Tattoo
Unabridged
By L. A. Meyer
Narrated by Katherine Kellgren

Publisher’s Summary

Jacky Faber, Bloody Jack, is back, and this time, she’s facing a situation far worse than a ship full of murderous pirates. Curse of the Blue Tattoo, L. A. Meyer’s sequel to the enormous popular Bloody Jack, is just as bawdy and entertaining as the original.

Listen to Bloody Jack.

(P)2008 Listen & Live Audio, Inc.

Audie Awards 2009: Biography and Memoir

The Last Lecture
Unabridged
By Randy Pausch, Jeffrey Zaslow
Narrated by Erik Singer, Randy Pausch

Publisher’s Summary

“We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.” (Randy Pausch)

A lot of professors give talks entitled “The Last Lecture”. Professors are asked to consider their demise and to ruminate on what matters most to them. And while they speak, audiences can’t help but mull the same question: What wisdom would we impart to the world if we knew it was our last chance? If we had to vanish tomorrow, what would we want as our legacy?

When Randy Pausch, a computer science professor at Carnegie Mellon, was asked to give such a lecture, he didn’t have to imagine it as his last, since he had recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer. But the lecture he gave – “Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams” – wasn’t about dying. It was about the importance of overcoming obstacles, of enabling the dreams of others, of seizing every moment (because “time is all you have…and you may find one day that you have less than you think”). It was a summation of everything Randy had come to believe. It was about living.

In this book, Randy Pausch has combined the humor, inspiration and intelligence that made his lecture such a phenomenon and given it an indelible form. It is a book that will be shared for generations to come.

This recording includes an interview with the author.

©2008 Randy Pausch; (P)2008 Hyperion

Audie Awards 2009: Business and Educational

The Little Red Book of Selling: 12.5 Principles of Sales Greatness
Unabridged
By Jeffrey Gitomer

Publisher’s Summary

Sharing strategies and answers from a lifetime of selling, Jeffrey has packed The Little Red Book of Selling with the information you’ve been searching for. You’ll learn a philosophy of success – long term, relationship-driven, and referral-oriented – that has nothing to do with manipulation or other old-world sales tactics, and has everything to do with understanding buying motives and taking ethical, relationship-building actions.

©2004 Jeffrey Gitomer; (P)2008 Simon & Schuster

Audie Awards 2009: Classic

Great Expectations
Unabridged
By Charles Dickens
Narrated by Simon Vance

Audie Awards 2009: Fiction

Duma Key: A Novel
Unabridged
By Stephen King
Narrated by John Slattery

Audie Awards 2009: Humor

The Learners
Unabridged
By Chip Kidd
Narrated by Bronson Pinchot

Audie Awards 2009: Inspirational Nonfiction

The Word of Promise Next Generation Audio Bible: ICB
Unabridged
By Thomas Nelson, Inc.
Narrated by Cody Linley, Marshall Luke Allman, Emily Benward, Charlie Osment, Corbin Stewart, Sean Bleu, Tahj Astin, Annasophia Mowry

Audie Awards 2009: Narration by the Author

When You Are Engulfed in Flames
Unabridged
By David Sedaris
Narrated by David Sedaris

Audie Awards 2009: Nonfiction

Hot, Flat, and Crowded: Why We Need a Green Revolution – and How It Can Renew America
Unabridged
view abridged
By Thomas L. Friedman
Narrated by Oliver Wyman

Audie Awards 2009: Thriller and Suspense

Child 44
Unabridged
By Tom Rob Smith
Narrated by Dennis Boutsikaris

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